I’m in a horrible situation

Hello everyone.

I need advice, and I don't know if this post is in the right place. I'm a 24 year old female in a crazy toxic situation where I'm constantly abused. A few years ago I met a man, I'll call him Jay. Jay was great at first. He was handsome, successful in life and extremely charming. He basically swept me off my feet. Dates, romantic gestures, gifts, holding doors, you name it. Things changed about a year ago when I moved in with him. First it was his behavior. It just seemed off. Then he started making remarks to me that became increasingly mean. Things continued to escalate until I was eventually being severely abused both mentally and physically. And it's every day. He doesn't let me have a phone bc I was "caught" talking to a male friend, who is GAY. I'm not allowed to use the computer but he has an old laptop he doesn't use. So to post this, I had to get his old laptop out, use his current charger to plug it in, and will have to put it away before he gets home. Right now he's hunting. He loves his guns and will often play some mental game where he points them at me/holds one to my head etc, but that's a story for another time.

I do have family, and see them occasionally. But my parents LOVE Jay. They think he's the second coming or something. I used to have a drug addiction, so ANYTHING I say is automatically discredited. Bc of my past, any time I seek help from my parents, they say I'm being "crazy". Jay is a complete sociopath, therefore, he has amazing charm when he wants. He can seriously be the most charming guy you'll EVER come across. For this same reason, he manipulated his way into a very nice career and has a position of power (not unusual for a sociopath either). My parents will also use this against me. I don't come from money. I come from food stamps and having the power turned off. So now that I'm with a guy that has a massively successful career, they just tell me I need to be grateful. He showers my parents with gifts, gift certificates for a cruise etc. They just see a handsome guy with tons of money and it makes them idiots and they can't see anything else.

I've also gone to the hospital when I was injured by him (burnt with boiling water while cooking – fully recovered thankfully). When I was able to talk to someone without Jay present, I told them everything. A saw a social worker and eventually a cop and made a report. NOTHING came of it. Jay is in a high place himself, and has even higher friends. Very high up friends. I've also tried running away, despite not having money. He was able to track me down out of state almost instantly. I have no access to his money and have none myself, and no one to help. But I doubt it would help anyway. I've tried so many things to get rid of him. A different time I left, I stayed at a friends. I was safe for a couple days. Eventually a police officer showed up and I was pink slipped. He literally was able to have me committed and put under psychiatric evaluation for 3 days, and then I was released to him. I honestly believe the only thing I could do to get away from him would be to leave the country. But I have no passport, no money, and idk where I'd go.

Here are some of the normal things I go through:

-Sexual acts. Whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. No matter how degrading it is.

-Watching his sexual acts. He will bring girls home and literally make me watch him. I don't even care though. I hate him. It doesn't make me jealous, it's just disgusting.

-If I'm "bad" he will make me stand in a horribly hot shower. Or he will make me stand in a cold shower and then force me to go into a freezer for a period of time. He has also stripped me naked and made me go outside (I was genetically blessed and work out, I'm totally comfortable naked, but this is way too far. It goes beyond being comfortable with my body. I don't want to be naked in public). He will starve me or make me overeat. He has made me eat until I literally threw up, then forced me to eat my vomit. He plays mental games that are pure torture. He knows how to break me down mentally until I just become ruined for a period of time. He will point guns at me. He made me play Russian Roulette (turns out the gun wasn't loaded but he used a hand trick to make it appear loaded. Honestly I felt ready to die, if it meant getting away from him). Speaking of suicide, it seems like a great option but I know I could never do it. There are other things I can't even bring myself to saying on here, despite being anonymous. All of this barely scratches the surface.

Like I mentioned, I work out to pass time and bc I feel like being in really good shape could help in the future. Aside from that, I don't really take care of myself. I'm a very beautiful girl, but I don't even care. I only do my hair or makeup when Jay makes me, and I do it how Jay tells me to do it. I am at the end of my rope. I have no friends anymore. My own family doesn't believe anything I say. When I try to run, it doesn't help. I've even pulled one of Jay's guns on him when he left one of his safes unlocked, but it wasn't loaded anyway. I just want to get away from him. I think the only way out is leaving the country. If I try to say all of this publicly by making a Facebook, I think I'll only be punished. He has too much power and influence. Everyone LOVES him. And I know why, I know what it's like to be around him without knowing he's a monster. He makes everyone instantly fall in love with him as a person, both male and female. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to escape. I feel like I've run out of options, but I'm hoping someone else has advice I haven't thought of yet. I will check back here any time I can. It depends on when Jay isn't here. Thank you to anyone reading this!

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